ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
A “Hogan’s Heroes” Fanfic
Klink wondered considerably if he should have allowed himself to be talked into letting Hogan come to the party – it was quite possible General Burkhalter would suspect how much power Hogan had over him – but no, he would not allow himself to think about that. After all, Hogan was being quite charming, and the General himself seemed to be enjoying the prisoner’s wit. All he had to do, he thought to himself, was to not allow himself to show any sort of fondness for Hogan, which he was already quite practiced at. He felt confident that he could pull this evening off successfully.
Klink spoke with General Burkhalter and Colonel Leman, drinking their best brandy and joking together.
“Tell me, General,” said Leman. “Have you ever had any combat experience?”
“Only with headquarters in Berlin,” the General replied drolly.
The three men laughed together.
“Well you see, Sir,” said Klink wryly. “We administrative people have many problems.”
“Yeah sure!” inserted Hogan drunkenly. “When he crashes they just give him a new desk!” He was clearly intoxicated, and as he laughed at his own joke he tripped and spilled his drink on one of the pilots.
“General,” said Klink nervously, tightly wringing his left hand. “Colonel Hogan is drinking too much!”
“Nien, nien, let him oil up!” said the General. “If he loosens his tongue, we may learn a few things.”
That’s exactly what I don’t want to happen, thought Klink to himself.
“Has he mentioned anything about the RAF planes he saw?” asked Colonel Leman.
“Shh! Not a word!” Klink whispered a little pompously. “I, uh, was prepared to be ignorant just as you ordered, herr General.”
“The most unnecessary orders I have ever made,” said General Burkhalter coldly.
Klink swallowed and glanced at the floor. He might act stupid, but he knew well enough when someone was insulting him.
As the evening wore on Klink suddenly realized that Hogan was nowhere to be seen. It seemed the Colonel noticed as well, for he turned to Klink with a faint look of perplexity on his face.
“Where is your Colonel Hogan, Kommandant?” he asked, glancing around the room.
“I – don’t know, Colonel,” he said tightly, remembering the plane’s that Hogan had seen earlier in the day. “I am sure he is around here somewhere.”
“I think he wondered into your bedroom, Kommandant,” said one of the pilots. “He was full as a howitzer, Sir.”
Klink worked his jaw a moment then marched quickly to his room. Colonel Leman followed closely after him. He opened his bedroom door and saw Hogan lying under the covers of his bed.
“Hogan,” he said sharply. “Hogan! Hm! Passed out!” He turned to Leman and rolled his eyes. “Typical American weakness – can’t drink, can’t finish wars they start!” He waved his hand and motioned that he and Colonel Leman should rejoin the party.
Several hours passed, and Klink’s was still thinking about the prisoner who lay passed out in his bedroom. By now his mind was slightly blurred with drink – although he never would have admitted it, he’d never been a very good drinker – and he worried about Hogan. He’d seen those planes, and he knew him well enough that he wouldn’t just lay there and do nothing. He was suddenly overcome with panic and walked quickly to his room. He swung the door open and closed it behind him. Hogan still lay safely passed out on the bed. Klink paused, looking at him a moment. He was considerably more drunk than he thought he was, and he began to pace, his peculiar, halting gate taking him stiffly up and down the room.
“Hogan. Hogan!” he said tensely. “Hogan are you awake?”
He heard nothing more than a faint groan come from the bed. He felt reassured, and continued, for he did not really want Hogan to hear what he was going to say.
“Hogan, I know everyone calls me an idiot – that very well may be true, but! I’m not as stupid as everyone thinks! Nein! Ich bin es nicht!” He paced faster now, his head low and his hands wringing themselves distractedly. “Hogan, you think I am an idiot too! But I know so much more than you think I do! I know you use me! But I let you! I let you – because – because – I was born a Jew!” He paused suddenly, hearing footsteps outside his door. What if someone was listening in? What if… but the sound stopped… no one was there. It was only his slightly tipsy mind playing tricks on him. He continued on with his speech. “No one knows. I could not let them. My family abandoned their faith years ago but they would not understand! No! Especially not General Burkhalter. But I know you would. You are the only person who would. That is because – Hogan!” He said taking in a proud breath. “Hogan, you are my friend!” Klink stopped, realizing how ridiculous he was – he was a German Kommandant! Wining and confessing friendship to one of his own prisoners was disgraceful, especially because he was drunk. He felt very shamed and silly now, and was about to turn away to go, when something about Hogan as he lay on the bed caught his attention. “Hogan…” he said slowly, walking up to him. He paused, then reached out his hands and took Hogan’s head and turned it to him – but it was not Hogan, it was Sergeant Andrew Carter. Klink pulled back in stunned, humiliated, and terrified surprise. Carter jumped after him, grabbing him and covering his mouth.
“Come on,” he said, pushing Klink backwards. “Into the closet!” Carter gave Klink a shove that sent him falling backwards into his own closet. Klink hit his head, and everything went fuzzy. The next thing he knew he was crumbled on the floor among his shoes, the legs of his extra pants hanging in his face. His head ached, and he was scared to death. If Carter told Burkhalter he was a Jew they might kill him. And why was Carter in the place of Hogan? Was he trying to – the planes! Yes, he must be doing something with the panes! He leaned forward and tried to fumble with the door handle, but it was locked. He took in a deep breath a quivered. What was happening out there? What time was it? For that matter what day was it? He sat a moment in silence, wondering if he should start to call out, when he heard voices in his room.
“Carter,” came the voice of Colonel Hogan. “How’d it go?”
“Oh, okay, Colonel, accept, I think there’s something you need to know about Klink.”
Carter lowered his voice, and Klink could no longer hear what he said. Well, he thought to himself, at least I know what day it is. It was some time later when Klink heard the door knob turn and the closet open. The light made him blink and he looked up into the face of Colonel Robert E. Hogan.
Klink began to sputter out scared, confused excuses in his native tongue. “Ich war betrunken, natürlich, Hogan, müssen Sie verstehen, ich habe nicht die Absicht zu einem sagen, dass! Was sind die betrunken Geschwätz von einem verwirrten Mann? Es bedeutet nichts! Nichts!”
Hogan placed his hand on the Kommandant’s shoulder and Klink’s frightened speech trailed off quietly.
“Hey, Colonel Klink, I’m sorry about all this. Why don’t you join General Burkhalter and Colonel Leman? I’m sure they’re wondering where you are. You just tell ‘em I’m still asleep, and we’ll forget this ever happened? Okay?”
Hogan’s proposal seemed his only option so he quickly straightened his uniform and returned to the party. When Leman asked him where he’d been he simply said he’d been checking on Hogan, and that he was still passed out. It was nearly half an hour later when there was a phone call for General Burkhalter.
“You fools!” he exclaimed sharply into the phone. “How could you let such a thing happen? Road blocks at once! Yes, yes!” He hung up the phone and turned swiftly to Klink and Leman. “Our planes have been destroyed underground – sabotage!”
“But how is such a thing possible!?” exclaimed Klink, smiling inwardly, for he knew very well how it was possible.
“Mainly because you were in charge of security!”
“General!” said Colonel Leman. “You mentioned sabotage.”
“Three men in uniform forced their way into the airfield. One of the fits the description of our friend Hogan, by the way… But it is only a coincidence – or is it?” The three men walked swiftly to Klink’s bedroom. A man lay, seemingly asleep on the bed. “Hogan,” said the General loudly. He walked up to him and pulled him over by his shoulder. “Hogan!”
“Oh come on,” moaned Hogan, adjusting his hat. “Pipe down and let a guy sleep, will ya?”
Klink knew he must act his part, whatever had happened, so he said, raising his finger accusingly, “Six of our planes were destroyed – sabotage!”
Hogan snapped his fingers. “I miss everything!” he said sarcastically. He turned and pulled the covers back over himself. “Hey, I’d like to leave a call for 6 AM I got an early war in the morning.” He slumped over and closed his eyes.
Klink looked from one to the other of his companions with tight lips and an annoyed glare. He thought to himself, no one will ever know. It will all be alright. But he knew Hogan would not forget what he had heard form Carter, and things were going to be a little different from now on.
So, my mom and dad watched "Hogan's Heroes" when they were young, and I have grown up quoting it ("I know NOTHING!" and "Interesting, Klink!") when I didn't even know what it was. So, a few weeks ago, we saw "Hogan's Heroes" on TV, and I was hooked. Although, I think I have to blame most of the hookedge on Klink 
WOW! He's awesome (and adorable) even if he is bald! 
So, yeah, I don't see Klink as as much of an idiot as seems - I think the insults hurt, I think the way Hogan plays him all the time is embarrassing for him, and I think, even though he'd never admit it when he was sober, he sees Hogan as his friend, and a very good friend at that.
But forgive me if I messed things up, I've only watched a few episodes so far - I'm only going on what I currently know.
This is NOT Hogan/Klink!
Hogan and Klink are my BrOTP! 
I drew Klink if you want to see him! goodoldbaz.deviantart.com/art/…
WOW! He's awesome (and adorable) even if he is bald! So, yeah, I don't see Klink as as much of an idiot as seems - I think the insults hurt, I think the way Hogan plays him all the time is embarrassing for him, and I think, even though he'd never admit it when he was sober, he sees Hogan as his friend, and a very good friend at that.
But forgive me if I messed things up, I've only watched a few episodes so far - I'm only going on what I currently know.
This is NOT Hogan/Klink!
Hogan and Klink are my BrOTP! I drew Klink if you want to see him! goodoldbaz.deviantart.com/art/…
© 2013 - 2024 GoodOldBaz
Comments13
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Nice story! Twas awesome! But it was Olsen who was disguised as Hogan in that episode. Olsen is in the first ever one as the outsides man, the first one tomeet Carter